


Through the Walls

by ButterflyGhost



Category: due South
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-10
Updated: 2016-10-10
Packaged: 2018-08-19 09:36:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8200288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButterflyGhost/pseuds/ButterflyGhost
Summary: Fraser tries to imagine what is on the other side of the wall.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DesireeArmfeldt](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesireeArmfeldt/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Out of Nowhere [PODFIC]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8134199) by [DesireeArmfeldtPodfic (DesireeArmfeldt)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesireeArmfeldt/pseuds/DesireeArmfeldtPodfic). 



> Complementary fan art and fic for Desiree's podfic of 'Out of Nowhere.'

 

At first, I wasn’t sure if what I was seeing was real. Even before the arrival of my father’s ghost, I had always questioned my perceptions of the concrete world. I have never trusted my instincts; in fact, I spent many grim hours training my memory and mind precisely because I trusted neither. It transpired, of course, that I was right. My mind has a remarkable facility for fabulation and repression. How I could have forgotten the nature of my mother’s death will forever baffle me, and how I came to see my father’s ghost remains suspect in my mind. Even with witnesses to his existence – Maggie and Buck Frobisher – I still find myself wondering if he was entirely what I perceived him to be, or if he just came into being because I wished him, so hard.

And so, when Ray and Ray began to circle each other like cats I was not sure at all what I was seeing. For some time they had tolerated each other – a lot more than acquaintances, but something less than friends. At least neither seemed jealous of the other’s place in my affections, once the first dust had settled.

I feared it was wishful thinking, on my part, when they started to become more to each other. Wishful thinking, or perhaps it was paranoia. The two attitudes would seem to be in direct contradiction to each other, but then I have never been the most logical of men, no matter how my Rays think of me. On the one hand, I wanted them to love each other as much as I loved them. I wanted them to have their own connection, for me not to be the only thing that held them together. At times, particularly in the beginning, I had entertained anxieties on that behalf. They fell into a grumpy camaraderie after a while, but it was not quite the friendship I’d imagined for them before my first Ray came home.

But now I am lying in my bed, on the other side of the wall, where I volunteered to sleep tonight in order to give them room. I am not sleeping. My erection is hard in my hand, but I don’t move at all. I strain my ears and hear the bed squeak. Then I hear them, their voices. I don’t pay attention to the words. Ray Vecchio’s voice is low and commanding. Ray Kowalski’s voice is barely a whisper. Neither one of them deals with each other in the ways they deal with me. On the other side of the wall, I hear the nature of our triad changing, and I close my eyes. I know that if I ask – when I ask – they will be happy to make me a part of this new thing. I know that, and I am glad for them – but right now I long to be their witness, to see what they see. I close my eyes, still holding myself in my fist. Tomorrow I will see them, but tonight I can only paint pale images behind my eyes.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Forgive me, it's the first time I've drawn anything in over twenty years and it shows. In a fandom full of excellent artists I'm out of my depth, but still, I liked the excuse to muse on a naked Kowalski and draw at least some of him.
> 
> Charcoal and chalk, with a bit of tweaking and freaking out and thanking the Lord for computer editing. Thanks for the much needed 'this is how you hold a pencil' reminders from Happy29 while I was hyper on too much hazelnut creamer in her kitchen, and thanks for technical beta from mific (mific - eeeh! See what I mean? I am so out of my depth.) Remaining inadequacies are completely my own.
> 
> (Edited to add further that mific pulled my butt out of the fire on this one - thanks for embedding the link for me, when I totally failed at tech. I am eternally in your debt.)


End file.
